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 Choosing
Attendants |
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When faced with the important task of selecting your
bridal party, ask yourself who you wish especially to
honor, and be honored by, on your wedding day. When
choosing your attendants, go with your heart -- what
feels right to you is the right choice. We all want our
line sisters to share our special day. Still, remember
to temper your gut feelings with some basic common
sense.
Choose your best man, maid or matron of honor,
bridesmaids and ushers from among your family and
closest friends. These are the people you will be
relying on and celebrating with; people who will be an
integral part of your wedding experience and memories.
Keep in mind that the "rules" for selecting attendants
are changing. Can't decide between two prospective best
men? No reason why you can't ask both! Got a bunch of
bridesmaids but not enough ushers to make pairs? It's
perfectly acceptable to have more bridesmaids than
ushers. Have two sisters you wish to honor? You may be
attended by both a maid and a matron of honor.
As for the "family or friends" question, ask the people
you really want to participate in your special day.
While it's customary to ask brothers and sisters to be
in your bridal party, it isn't mandatory; your siblings
should understand if you're really much closer to a
sister friend.
Wait until you've announced your engagement, and make
your invitations by phone, mail, or in person. Avoid
inviting your attendants by email, as this almost always
lessens the significance.
Make a point of inviting everybody to be in your party
at about the same time. If you invite one person today
and another next month, the latter may feel like a
second stringer. Divulge as much as you can about your
wedding plans -- date and time, location and level of
formality -- so the invitee can make an informed
decision whether they are able to participate in your
event.
You shouldn't press for an answer. Allow the invitee
enough time to say yes or no. Remember, a "no" isn't
necessarily a "dis". Being a wedding attendant is often
expensive and time consuming. Your friends may love you
very much, but find himself or herself unable to accept
such a responsibility. If the answer is "no thanks,"
trust that there's a good reason.
One last bit of advice: Base your selections on
affection and regard, not good looks, size, "so and so
wants to hook up with someone". On your wedding day,
you'll find that loving company counts far more than the
superficial. |
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