Planning - Conflicts and Jealousy

Check this out, one minute you're on Cloud 9, sharing the news of your engagement, savoring every juicy detail of the proposal, then boom -- you look up and your best friend/brother/sister looks positively gray.  Suddenly your feelings of pure ecstatic turns into guilt. Some of us are amazed to find our friends turning into catty divas, goading their boyfriends into proposing, too, and trying to outdo your every wedding move. What's a girl to do?

You have every right to be excited and share your happiness with people important to you. Don't hesitate to share the good news with a good friend. If you don't talk about it, your friend or sibling may feel insulted, potentially damaging your friendship further.

Acknowledge that your friend is jealous. Not sure? When you talk about your wedding, do you feel guilty or does she act rude and bored? Assuming that you're not talking about the big day 24/7, trust your gut reaction. Good friends should be affirmative, not negative.

Speaking of wedding talk, don't overdo it! Remember that even people happy for you don't want to hear about EVERY little detail. Change the conversation to what's going on in their lives and be a good listener.

If someone makes a nasty crack about your plans, take a step back and respond right away by gently asking, "What do you mean by that?"  Don't come out swinging and say something you may regret later. Tell them that you're hurt they feel that way and try to work through it. 

Sometimes the problem is simply that your parents are perceived to be ignoring the sibling, focusing all of their attention on you. Acknowledge this inequity by saying, "I realize I'm getting a lot the attention and I hope it's not bothering you." If the sibling is married, point out that he or she has had the spotlight; for those that haven't yet made the trip down the aisle, reassure them that their time is coming! Either way, turn to your siblings for advice in dealing with family dilemmas and be sure to spend quality time with them  - minus mom and dad.

When a person is jealous, she or he craves acknowledgement. Your mission? Play to the person's strengths. Remind them (often!) of all their positive qualities and accomplishments: great job, fierce haircut, whatever. Better yet, ask your friend for advice in his or her areas of expertise. If your workmate has a great fashion sense, tell her you'd love her opinion on your dress. If your brother's a savvy globetrotter, pick his brain about destinations and travel tips.

Make sure your friends get the message loud and clear that their friendship is extremely important to you. Tell them how much happiness you wish for them and, if single, try to assure them that their perfect partner is out there somewhere.  It sounds corny, but be genuine.  There really is someone out there for everyone.

While you're stroking his ego and showering her with love, don't forget to share your own wedding-related woes: from arguments with your fiancé, to cold feet and in-law conflicts. Even if you're ecstatic despite it all, you'll be able to bond over your vulnerability.

When push comes to shove, acknowledge the awkwardness between you and your friend.  Never say that you know how he or she feels (you don't).  By opening the door for communication,  a friend who vents can ease a lot of pressure.

Think about adding a singles table into your seating chart and ask your friend to help you fill it.   Positioning them between two sexy singles is not a bad game plan! Why not? Lots of people meet at weddings. Love is in the air.

~ photo courtesy of Tonesha Housen