The purpose of an engagement party -- usually scheduled
no later than three months after the big announcement --
can serve three purposes: to share the news of the couples'
union with future wedding guests, to introduce
the families to each other, and to celebrate the
upcoming festivities.
Tradition has it that the bride's
parents host the initial gathering, but the groom's
parents can then throw their own party, or both sets can
come together to host the event. As you decide, here are
a few things the hosts should keep in mind:
Let the couple breathe:
An impromptu family gathering
the weekend after he proposed is the perfect opportunity
to break out the vintage champagne, but don't schedule
an all-out affair with bells and whistles during the
engagement's first month. The couple needs some time to
revel in just being engaged. Plan to host an engagement
party two to four months after the
groom popped the question. This
will allow the
couple a chance to envision their wedding-a
crucial element to consider when deciding on the type of
event you will throw.
Find out the size of the
wedding that the couple has in mind:
Everyone who is invited to the
engagement party should ultimately be invited to the
wedding. Otherwise, guests might wonder what they did at
the engagement party to not warrant a wedding invite!
That said, if the couple decides to host their own
wedding and keep the list small and you want to throw an
extravagant engagement party, go for it. Just be sure to
let people know that the wedding will be small so no
feelings will be hurt when guests aren't invited to the
wedding. If you are worried that your friends will think
you want to have a big event
with the underlining purpose to get
lots of gifts, include a nice
note in the invitation that requests no presents.
Consider what will make the
in-laws most comfortable:
Since the purpose of an engagement party is to help you
start building bridges between the families, consider
their style. If they are a very formal family, an
impromptu BBQ in the backyard might not be the most
appropriate setting for getting to know one another.
Same goes for a five-course sit-down dinner attended by all
your friends. This could be a bit intimidating for them.
Settle nerves on both sides by including as many people from their
side as you can reasonably accommodate.
Suggest that the couple
register beforehand:
While traditionally guests have not
brought presents to this function, the trend
is increasing today. With that being said, it's only fair to provide
some guidance. Remind
the couple to register for gifts from the low to middle
range. A five-hundred-dollar kitchen aid gadget is not your
typical engagement present. If some guests arrive
bearing gifts, just be sure the couple unwraps them
after the party. You don't want people who
came empty-handed to feel uncomfortable.
Remind yourself that there
is still a wedding to throw:
Every host wants to plan an unforgettable affair, but
you never want to upstage the main event. Try to create
a different mood for the engagement party while
maintaining your own style. You won't want to force a
casual cookout if you (and your guests) favor formal
parties, and vice versa. But if your guests are up to
it, set apart a black-tie affair with a
sit-on-the-floor, buffet-style engagement bash; preview
a semiformal daytime wedding with a swanky cocktail
party, ties optional; or balance a destination wedding
with a home-cooked dinner party. Whatever you decide,
the newly engaged couple will be most appreciative.
~ photo courtesy of
Tonesha Housen |
